I want to make a zoo with you.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
