I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
