you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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