I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
