A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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