At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
