Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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