Screwed.edu
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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