So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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