Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
