Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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