meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
