the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Acid is not a monday night drug
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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