he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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