Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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