ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
