why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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