omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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