I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
