I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
