Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
