Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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