I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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