Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
