Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
