Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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