a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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