Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
