I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
