It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i think i just lost a toe
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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