Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
