my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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