Whod you bang
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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