Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
