toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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