Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
