At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
