Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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