I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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