Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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