I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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