Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
