do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
