i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
