butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
are you so shy because you have an std?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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