I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
