Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Michael Bay diarrhea
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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