you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
