Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
