I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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