at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
