You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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