Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
