Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
